When "I'm Setting a Boundary" Became Code for "Leave Me Alone"
Ready to learn how to have real conversations without the clinical dictionary? No diagnosis required.
Look, I was sitting at my desk yesterday when my coworker messaged me: "I need to honor my emotional bandwidth and protect my energetic space from workplace toxicity."
Translation: She didn't want to join the 3pm meeting.
Last week? Same deal. My friend canceled dinner because she was "navigating a trauma response triggered by calendar overwhelm." She was tired. Just... tired.
I get it though. Five years ago, I couldn't even say "no" without writing a three-paragraph apology email. Learning about boundaries changed my life—literally. But somewhere between discovering what boundaries actually are and memorizing every Instagram therapy infographic, we all got weird. Really weird.
Here's What's Actually Happening
We're using clinical terms to avoid having normal human conversations. And it's making everything worse.
That "toxic" coworker who microwaves fish? They're not violating your boundaries. They're annoying. Your boss asking you to stay late isn't "gaslighting" you. They're being inconsiderate. There's a difference.
The worst part? LinkedIn's data shows 94% of employees would stay at companies longer if they invested in real skill development. But instead of learning actual Connection & Communication skills that could help us navigate these situations, we're hiding behind therapy speak.
The Sunday Night Text That Started This Whole Thing
Three Sundays ago, 9:47 PM. My phone buzzes.
"Hey, I've been doing some inner work and realized our friendship dynamic activates my anxious attachment style. I need to decenter you from my healing journey."
This was from someone I'd grabbed coffee with twice. TWICE.
Twenty years ago, she would've just... stopped texting back? But now everything needs a diagnosis. Every ending needs clinical documentation. We've turned ghosting into a medical procedure.
How We Got Here (A Timeline of Good Intentions Gone Sideways)
2015-ish
We started saying "anxiety" without shame. Revolutionary. Finally, people could name what they were feeling.
2018
Instagram therapists arrived. Those pastel squares teaching us about narcissistic abuse? Life-changing for people who needed those words.
2020
The pandemic hit. Everyone became an armchair psychologist. Suddenly every Zoom awkwardness was "trauma."
2023
My neighbor told me her cat was "exhibiting signs of emotional dysregulation." The cat knocked over a plant.
Now
I can't disagree with someone without them saying I'm "invalidating their lived experience." I just think pineapple belongs on pizza, Karen.
Real Conversations I've Witnessed This Month
At the office coffee machine:
"I need you to respect my boundary around morning interactions."
Translation: "Don't talk to me before I've had coffee."
Team meeting:
"This feels like systemic gaslighting."
Translation: "The deadline got moved up."
Lunch conversation:
"I'm protecting my peace by going no-contact with toxic energy."
Translation: "I'm eating lunch alone today."
See what's happening? We're using therapy language like it's some kind of professional armor. But armor keeps things out AND in.
What This Is Really Costing Us
- When everything's trauma, nothing is.
- When everyone's toxic, we lose sight of actual harmful behavior.
- When every preference becomes a "boundary," real boundaries lose their power.
I watched a friend lose a promotion because she told her manager that asking for project updates was "triggering her hypervigilance from past workplace trauma." Her manager just... wanted to know if the report was done.
Meanwhile, people dealing with actual PTSD, real anxiety disorders, genuine workplace harassment—their experiences get watered down by our casual catastrophizing.
The Life Skills We Actually Need (But Nobody's Teaching)
Mind Hack Lab teaches actual communication techniques—like the Direct Conversation Practice—that help you say what you mean without the clinical dictionary.
Instead of therapy-speak, you learn:
- How to disagree without making it a dissertation
- Ways to say "no" that don't require a medical explanation
- Techniques for handling conflict when your whole body wants to run
When It Actually Helps (Because I'm Not a Monster)
Look, therapy language saved lives. Including mine.
If you grew up never knowing you could say no, learning about boundaries is revolutionary. If you've been gaslit—really gaslit, not just disagreed with—having that word matters.
The language isn't the problem. It's what we're doing with it.
Good use:
"I've been working with a therapist on setting boundaries, and I'm learning to communicate my needs more clearly."
Not great:
"Your request for me to attend the mandatory team meeting is triggering my boundary wounds."
Try This for One Week
No therapy speak. Just say the thing.
- "I'm frustrated" (not "This is activating my nervous system")
- "I need some space" (not "I'm entering a season of self-protection")
- "That hurt my feelings" (not "You've created a rupture in our relational dynamic")
- "Can we talk?" (not "I need to process some relational turbulence")
Notice how different it feels. Notice how people actually understand you.
The Part Nobody Wants to Admit
We're using psychology terms to avoid the scariest thing of all: being vulnerable.
It's easier to say "I don't have the emotional capacity" than "I'm scared you'll reject me if you really know me."
It's simpler to label someone "toxic" than to admit we're bad at conflict.
It's safer to "protect our peace" than to risk real connection.
But here's what I've learned at 3:07 AM (why is it always 3:07?) when I can't sleep because I've "protected my peace" right into complete isolation: the therapy speak isn't protecting us. It's just making us lonelier.
What Actually Works
Real relationships are messy. They involve:
- Saying the wrong thing sometimes
- Feeling uncomfortable without pathologizing it
- Working through conflict without a DSM-5 manual
- Apologizing with actual words, not clinical terms
You want better work relationships? Stronger friendships? An actual connection with someone?
Stop diagnosing. Start talking.
Because at the end of the day, your anxiety about that presentation doesn't care if you call it "performance-related activation of trauma patterns" or just admit you're nervous. Your relationship problems won't solve themselves because you've memorized attachment theory.
What changes things? Having the actual conversation. Feeling the feelings without the medical terminology. Connecting human to human, mess to mess.
That's the real skill. And ironically, it's the one thing all the therapy speak can't teach us.
Ready to Have Real Conversations?
Mind Hack Lab teaches practical Connection & Communication skills that actually work in the real world. No diagnosis required.
