I Paid $2000 to Learn Project Management and Now I Can't Remember What PMBOK Stands For
3:07 AM thoughts on professional development amnesia and finding actual help
Okay so my manager asked me about something from that certification last week and I just... blanked. Completely. Not even a little bit of memory. Just standing there in the Teams call like an idiot while everyone waited.
Two thousand dollars. The company paid TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS for me to get PMP certified and I can't even remember what PMBOK means. (I'm googling it right now. Project Management Body of Knowledge. Great. Super helpful.)
The Thing About Being Smart Once
In nursing school I was the highlighter girl. Different colors for everything except I'd always forget which color meant what so everything just ended up neon rainbow. Studied SO HARD. Like genuinely tried. Flashcards, study groups, those stupid mnemonics that never actually help.
But I passed! Got my RN, worked bedside for three years before moving to healthcare IT. (Have you ever had someone throw a bedpan at you? Because I have. Twice.)
Now I'm 32, supposedly "experienced," and they want me to lead projects. Cool, whatever, free education. Did one of those bootcamp things where they cram everything into your brain over a long weekend. Virtual, so really I was just sitting at my kitchen table pretending to pay attention while my kid watched Bluey.
Passed the test first try! And now? Nothing. My brain deleted it. All of it.
Wait what was I talking about? Project management. Right.
Why Professional Development Feels Like Throwing Money Into a Black Hole
My husband has one of those freaky good memories. Meanwhile I can't remember if I took my birth control this morning. (I didn't. Just remembered. BRB.)
Okay I'm back.
Everyone keeps saying "just pay attention more" which... I AM PAYING ATTENTION. My brain just doesn't have a save button apparently.
The worst part? Recent data shows employees forget 70% of training content within a week. So it's not just me. We're all walking around pretending we remember things from expensive trainings while secretly googling everything.
Actually wait, I think the stat is 90%? Or was it 70? See this is exactly what I mean.
The 2:47 AM Instagram Ad That Actually Helped
Found Mind Hack Lab's Focus & Self-Management skills during one of my usual insomnia scrolling sessions. They kept talking about "life skills" and "brief interventions" which sounded better than another meditation app I'd never use.
Here's what caught my attention: they use AI coaches. Thank god. The last thing I need is another perky 25-year-old life coach asking about my "why." My why is I need to keep my job, Madison. That's my why.
Actually no wait, I think my friend Sarah sent it to me? Or was that the meditation app? No that was Headspace. I already have Headspace. Never use it.
ANYWAY.
What Actually Works (When I Remember to Use It)
So I did their memory intervention thing. 30 minutes. The AI coach asked about my specific memory disasters which was... extensive.
They taught me this Verbal Encoding Protocol
It's not just saying stuff out loud like some weirdo. There's an actual method. You break information into chunks and create verbal anchors. I tried it with the new compliance software last week.
Wait did I try it or did I just think about trying it? No, I definitely tried it because Brad walked by right when I was doing it and gave me that look. You know the look.
Also learned about the Prediction Window
Basically telling your brain "hey, Dave's gonna ask about timelines on Tuesday at 2pm" so it actually bothers to store that info. Except Dave asked about budgets instead but whatever, baby steps.
The 40-Second Mental Replay is another one
Right after learning something, you replay it mentally for 40 seconds. Sounds fake but I actually remembered how to run that report when someone asked. Mostly. I mean I forgot one step but I figured it out.
The Anxiety-Memory Death Spiral Nobody Talks About
Hold on my kid is asking for a snack. It's 9:47 AM how are you hungry already you JUST ate breakfast.
Okay I'm back with goldfish crackers everywhere.
What was I... oh right. Here's what Mind Hack Lab made me realize: being anxious literally breaks your memory. Like physically. Your brain cannot form memories properly when you're freaking out.
So all those times I panic-studied? Completely useless. I was basically trying to fill a bucket with holes in it. Cool. Cool cool cool.
They have interventions for anxiety too but I haven't tried them yet because my credit card got declined (forgot to update the expiration date, of course) and by the time I fixed it I forgot what I was doing. So. That's where we're at.
Does This Actually Work Though?
I'm not fixed. Still forget everything. Yesterday I introduced myself in a meeting I'VE BEEN IN EVERY WEEK FOR SIX MONTHS. "Hi, I'm Jenny from IT!" They know, Jenny. They know.
But when I remember to use the techniques? They help. Like 60% of the time. Which is better than my previous 0%.
Actually maybe it's more like 40%? I don't know. Math was never my strong suit either.
This is skills training, not medical treatment. But honestly, at this point I'll take any improvement.
Ready to Actually Remember Your Expensive Training?
Join thousands of professionals learning evidence-based memory techniques that work (when you remember to use them)
-Jenny
(Or Jennifer? I honestly don't know what I put on my email signature anymore)
P.S. Just checked. It's Jennifer. But everyone calls me Jenny except Brad who calls me "Jen" which I hate but it's been two years so I guess I'm Jen forever.
P.P.S. If anyone from work reads this, I'm KIDDING about forgetting everything. I'm very competent. Please don't fire me.
P.P.P.S. Is it PPS or PSS? I can never remember.
