The Moment I Knew "Just Try Harder" Was Bullshit

Every article about self-control basically says the same thing: "Have you tried... not doing the thing?"

Oh brilliant. Never thought of that. Let me just NOT throw the stapler next time. Problem solved!

That's like telling someone who's drowning to swim better. Super helpful, thanks.

I was googling at 3 AM after The Incident. Couldn't sleep. Kept seeing Karen from accounting's face. The way the printer just sat there, smugly jammed.

Found this researcher (Fujita? My phone autocorrect turned it into "Fajita") who basically said willpower is the worst strategy for self-control. It's like trying not to sneeze during a job interview. Maybe you can do it once, but...

Turns out your brain literally can't tell the difference between a paper jam and being chased by a bear. Both register as DANGER DANGER MUST FIGHT OR FLEE. Which explains why I once rage-quit a Zoom because someone's connection was choppy. My brain thought we were under attack.

Mind Hack Lab and That Weird Thing That Actually Worked

After HR's suggestion, I tried Mind Hack Lab. Mostly because traditional anger management sounded like they'd make me apologize to the printer.

The AI coach asked about my triggers. I said "printers, obviously" but then we kept digging and... it wasn't about printers. It was about feeling powerless when tech fails after I've already had a terrible day. The AI figured this out in like five minutes. I'd been blaming printers for years.

They taught me this pressure point technique. You press on your sternum when you feel the rage building. I know, sounds fake. Like those ads promising you'll lose weight by thinking happy thoughts.

But here's the thing: it works about 70% of the time. The other 30%, I still fantasize about printer violence, but at least now it stays in my head.

What I Actually Learned (When I Finally Stopped Fighting It)

People with good self-control aren't using willpower. They're just better at setting up their lives so they don't need it.

Steve Jobs wore the same outfit daily. Everyone acts like this was genius-level thinking. But really? Dude was just tired of decisions. By 3 PM, I've made roughly 4,000 tiny choices and my brain is done. That's when the staplers fly.

So now I meal prep Sundays. Not because I'm trying to be Instagram-worthy, but because if lunch is already decided, I save that brain space for not screaming when someone replies-all.

The AI coach also taught me this WOOP thing:

Does it work? Last week I still ordered pizza. But I ate carrots first, so... progress?

For My Fellow Disaster Humans

If you're reading this at 2 AM because you just did something impulsive and now you're spiraling - hi, welcome, you're my people.

Mind Hack Lab doesn't do the shame thing. You can tell the AI "I just ate frosting from the can while crying" and it just asks what triggered it. No judgment. Just tools.

There's this thing called decision fatigue that explains why we lose it at day's end, not the beginning. Also why Drama Derek at my office literally drains my self-control just by existing. Every mini-crisis he creates ("Mercury's in retrograde!") takes a tiny piece of my ability to not lose it later.

The Actual Tools That Keep Me From Violence

Here's What No One Tells You

Slipping up doesn't erase progress. I haven't thrown anything in 19 days. If day 20 goes sideways, I still had 19 good days.

The printer's still broken, by the way. But yesterday I just muttered creative profanities at it instead of throwing things. HR says this counts as growth. I'll take it.

One session. One weird technique. It'll feel stupid. You'll be skeptical.

But maybe next time, instead of throwing the stapler, you'll do that weird chest thing. And somehow, against all logic, it'll work.

That's something.