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When Your Bad Habits Feel Like They're Winning
And you're googling "how to stop eating cereal at 3 AM"
Look, I wrote this at 4:17 AM after stress-eating an entire sleeve of crackers. So maybe we can figure this out together.
Last week my therapist quit. To make candles.
I'm not even mad about it—her Etsy shop looks great. But here I am, picking at that same spot on my arm (now covered with a Spider-Man band-aid), scrolling through my phone at ungodly hours, and wondering why I keep doing things I KNOW aren't helping.
If you've ever found yourself hate-eating Danish butter cookies because Brett from accounting microwaved fish again, or if you've downloaded seventeen habit tracker apps that are all currently judging you from your home screen—yeah, this is for you.
Actually, wait—let me tell you about Tuesday.
The Truth About That Random Tuesday
It started with gas station coffee. You know the kind—tastes like someone described coffee to someone who'd never had coffee. Then I said yes to lunch with people I don't even like because saying no requires this whole... thing. Energy I didn't have.
By 3 PM I was in the office bathroom doing that breathing exercise I learned from TikTok while Sharon blow-dried her hands for what felt like seventeen minutes.
By midnight? Full doom scroll. Stalking an ex who hasn't posted since March. Online shopping for $280 snail mucus face cream because surely THAT'S what's been missing from my life.
The worst part? My Emotional Mastery pillar—the one that's supposed to help me handle feelings without turning into a raccoon digging through the emotional garbage of life—was completely shot. Maybe you know the feeling.
The Stupid Things We Can't Stop Doing
The 3 AM Snack Attack
Not even good snacks. We're talking stale cereal with coffee creamer because you're out of milk. An entire package of those Danish butter cookies that cost $8.99 at CVS. String cheese eaten joylessly while standing in front of the fridge.
The Doom Scroll Special
It's 5:47 AM. You've seen everything. Your ex's cousin's wedding photos. That girl from high school who sells essential oils now. You're on page 47 of Amazon looking at decorative spoons. Why decorative spoons? Nobody knows.
The Body Stuff
That spot you keep picking at. Now it needs a band-aid. Now the band-aid is making it worse. Your shoulders are basically permanent earrings at this point. Sleep schedule? More like sleep suggestion.
The Procrastination Olympics
Color-coded spreadsheets with formulas you'll never use. Forty-seven open browser tabs. Downloaded Notion, Todoist, AND Monday.com. Spent 45 minutes customizing app icons while ignoring the actual work.
OK But Like... Why Though?
Here's the thing nobody tells you: bad habits aren't character flaws. They're just outdated solutions to problems you don't even remember having.
Your brain created these little shortcuts—neural pathways—to help you cope with something. Maybe you started connecting food with comfort when mom started dating Craig. (Fucking Craig.) Maybe staying up until 4 AM helps you avoid mornings because mornings mean being a functional human and honestly who has time for that?
These habits stick around like that friend who crashes on your couch for "a few days" and somehow it's been three months and they've named your plants.
The 30-Minute Thing That Actually Helps
So I tried this life skills coaching app thing. No, this isn't where I tell you it changed my life and now I wake up at 5 AM to journal.
But it did teach me some stuff that works. Even in office bathrooms. Even when Brett walks by with his afternoon fish.
The Self-Compassion Reset
It's this technique where you basically talk to yourself like you would a friend who's struggling. Sounds dumb. Works anyway. Takes like 2 minutes.
The Emotional Labeling Thing
You literally just name what you're feeling. "I'm anxious about tomorrow's meeting." "I'm eating these crackers because I'm lonely." Sometimes just saying it out loud makes your brain go "oh" and suddenly the cookies don't seem as necessary.
The Micro-Recovery Protocol
When you catch yourself mid-habit spiral, you do this tiny reset. Breathe for 30 seconds. Ask yourself one question. Make one small different choice. That's it. No life overhaul required.
What "Getting Better" Actually Looks Like
It's not perfect. It's going six hours without checking Instagram instead of every 20 minutes. It's eating only HALF the sleeve of crackers. It's putting Neosporin on that spot after you pick at it because at least you're taking care of the damage.
My Extremely Modest Wins This Week:
Only checked my ex's profile twice instead of seventeen times
Closed the Amazon tab with the decorative spoons (stayed strong)
Ate lunch in my car to avoid microwave fish guy (self-care comes in many forms)
Used the breathing thing BEFORE the full meltdown
Wrote this at 4:17 AM but hey, at least I'm being productive with my insomnia
The Part Where I Pretend I Did Research
Actually, scratch that—I did look this up. Turns out 66% of us are burned out. That's two-thirds of everyone, everywhere, just white-knuckling through life.
So if you feel like you're the only one eating cereal at 3 AM while your life falls apart... you're not. We're all out here doing our best with brains that evolved to run from tigers, not deal with PowerPoint presentations and people who microwave fish.
Want to Try Something That Doesn't Suck?
I can't promise you'll stop all your bad habits. I definitely can't promise you'll like mornings. But maybe—just maybe—you'll find one technique that helps you get through Tuesday without wanting to throw your computer out the window.
Fair warning: The AI coach will ask you questions that make you realize stuff. Like why you keep dating people who remind you of Craig. It's annoying. But it's also kind of exactly what you need at 3 AM when you can't sleep.
P.S. - Gerald the succulent died yesterday. Plant #13. RIP buddy. The coach helped me realize I don't actually want plants—I just think I should want plants. Mind. Blown.
