I've Been Ghosting My Work Friend's Lunch Invite for Three Weeks
Maya from RevOps sent "Lunch Thu?" on Aug 12 at 10:14 AM.
I typed "Totally—" three times. Never hit send. Now it's December 3rd and I'm eating another sad desk salad pretending to be "slammed."
The stupid thing? I actually like Maya. She's the only person who laughs at my jokes about our garbage CRM. But I wanted to suggest the perfect spot and time, then overthought it, then it got weird, and now here we are.
Why Your Work Relationships Feel Like They're Dying
I was awake at 3:07 a.m. (always 3:07, never 3:00) reading about this thing researchers call social ecosystems. Basically they figured out your relationships at work are like... okay this sounds dumb but hear me out... like a garden that needs different types of plants to survive.
Turns out you need a mix of people at work to not lose your mind:
- Actual friends (the Maya types)
- Casual "how was your weekend" people
- That security guard who knows your name
- Even the fish microwaver (why do they always exist?)
I learned this the hard way when I worked remote for six months and only talked to my cat. Started narrating everything. "Making coffee. Coffee hot. Hot coffee good." My partner gave me concerned looks. Turns out you need actual coworkers to stay normal.
Apparently talking to actual humans is a life skill. Who knew.
The Thing That Helped
So there's this AI coach that taught me something stupidly simple. When my chest gets tight and I'm about to bail on plans, I press the center of my sternum for ten seconds while breathing out slow.
Sounds fake but it interrupts the spiral. Works maybe 70% of the time, which beats my previous strategy of hiding in the bathroom pretending to take a call.
The coach also made me face this uncomfortable truth: I'm avoiding people because I feel awkward about previously avoiding them. It's the dumbest cycle. Like:
- Miss one lunch because legitimately busy
- Miss another because now it feels weird
- They stop asking
- Convince yourself they hate you
- Eat desk salads forever
Actually wait, that's too organized. Real version:
Work gets insane. You skip lunch. Then again. Soon you're that person eating hummus at their desk scrolling LinkedIn while the lunch crew walks past. They asked twice more after I bailed. I said "crazy week, next time!"
There was no next time.
What nobody tells you about workplace loneliness: everyone else looks like they have their work friendships figured out.
They're laughing in the kitchen. Going to happy hours. Having those easy Monday morning "how was your weekend" chats.
Meanwhile you're reheating leftovers alone, wondering when you became the office hermit.
What I didn't realize until recently: Maya was eating yogurt parfaits at her desk too. For THREE MONTHS. We were both sitting 50 feet apart, feeling weird about reaching out, eating sad desk meals.
The research I found at 3:07 AM said something like most professionals want more workplace connections but don't know how to build them. I'd give you the exact stat but honestly I was pretty tired and it might have been 87% or 94% or who knows.
Point is: we're all sitting at our desks wanting friends but feeling too awkward to try.
The Stupidly Simple Plan That Worked
Week 1
Asked the security guard about his weekend. He told me about his grandson's birthday party for like ten minutes. I know nothing about five-year-olds but I nodded a lot. Felt like a human again.
Week 2
Finally sent Maya one Slack: "miss our lunches! tacos at Lito's tuesday?" with a taco emoji.
She immediately responded: "OMG YES FINALLY 12:15?"
Panicked. Did the chest press thing. Went anyway.
Week 3
We bitched about the new expense system for 45 minutes straight. She admitted she'd been eating desk yogurt since September. I told her about my desk salad shame. We laughed until my stomach hurt.
Remembered why work friends matter—they GET the specific hell of your workplace.
Week 4
Made it weird by suggesting recurring Tuesday lunches. She said "thank god someone finally suggested structure." Now we have a standing lunch thing and I eat vegetables with another human present.
The part where I admit this is still hard: I still panic sometimes. Last Tuesday I almost cancelled because I convinced myself I had nothing interesting to say. Did the sternum thing. Showed up. We talked about how the printer is possessed by demons for 40 minutes.
Your work relationships don't need to be perfect. Mine definitely aren't.
Sometimes I still eat at my desk. I still feel awkward at team happy hours. I definitely ghosted the office book club WhatsApp.
But I'm trying? And I have this chest pressure thing now for when anxiety hits. And Maya and I have this running joke about the CRM that makes Mondays slightly less terrible.
Just Send the Damn Message
If you're reading this at 3 AM while dreading tomorrow's office interactions, here's your homework:
Pick one work person. Send them literally anything:
- "coffee thursday?"
- "miss our chats"
- A meme about that meeting everyone hated
- "hey—lunch at [place] tue or thu? 12:15?"
That's it. That's the start.
They'll probably say yes immediately because they're also tired of eating alone while pretending to read important emails.
Maya's Slack sat unopened for 113 days. Now it's standing taco Tuesdays.
That's it. Don't overthink it. Just hit send.
