My Brain Thinks I'm Three Kids in a Business Suit
And Other Lies Your Mind Tells You at 3 AM
I got promoted last month. Know what I did to celebrate? Googled "how to give promotion back without looking weird."
Not joking. 2:34 AM, sitting in bed next to my partner who's dead asleep, typing variations of "accidentally promoted what do" into my phone. The blue light probably gave me a headache but whatever, I already had one from the stress sweats.
The Thing Nobody Talks About
Here's what they don't put in those LinkedIn posts about imposter syndrome: it's not just feeling unqualified. It's the constant mental math of "how many more days until they figure it out?"
Tuesday: Nailed a presentation. Brain's response? "You just got lucky with easy questions."
Thursday: Client loves my proposal. Brain: "They're just being nice."
Friday: Boss says "great work." Brain: "She must have me confused with someone else."
And the worst part? My confidence pillar wasn't just cracked—it was basically dust. But I kept showing up, kept performing, kept getting good feedback. While internally calculating how long until HR realizes they hired the wrong person.
Gallup says this costs $8.8 trillion in lost productivity globally. Cool stat, but what it costs ME is sleep, peace, and the ability to accept a compliment without my eye twitching.
Things I Tried That Were Useless
Positive affirmations? Please. Standing in my bathroom mirror at 6 AM saying "I am competent and deserving" while my brain screams "LIAR" isn't exactly therapeutic.
Meditation apps kept telling me to "observe my thoughts without judgment." Buddy, if I could do that, would I be here? My thoughts are EXCLUSIVELY judgment. That's the problem.
My therapist friend suggested keeping an achievement journal. Day 1: "Didn't cry in meeting." Day 2: "Remembered to write in journal." Day 3-365: Blank. Because apparently even journaling gives me performance anxiety.
Oh and "fake it til you make it"? I've been faking it for seven years. When exactly does the making it part start?
What Actually Worked (Spoiler: It Wasn't Crystals)
So I'm scrolling through my phone at—yes—3 AM again, and I find this thing about life skills training. Not therapy, not meditation, just... skills. Like, here's what to do when your brain is being a dick. Step by step.
30 minutes later (yes, at 3:30 AM, don't judge my life choices), I learned this thing called the Reality Check Protocol. Sounds fancy but it's literally just:
- Did the thing I'm worried about actually happen? (No)
- Is there actual evidence I'm bad at my job? (Also no)
- Am I basing this on feelings or facts? (Feelings, always feelings)
There's also this Center-Breath + Label thing that stops the spiral before it starts. Press on your chest, breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, and name what you're feeling. "This is imposter syndrome, not reality."
Stupid simple. Annoyingly effective.
What Changed (And What Didn't)
I still sometimes think I'm fooling everyone. Last week I literally prepared three different explanations for why my project succeeded, just in case someone asked and "I worked hard on it" seemed too simple.
But here's what's different:
When my brain starts the "they'll find out you're incompetent" playlist, I have an actual response. Not "think positive!" Not "believe in yourself!" Just tools that work in the moment when everything feels fake.
Like yesterday. Big meeting. Presenting to VPs. My brain: "They can tell you Wikipedia'd half of this."
Me: *does the chest-press breathing thing*
My brain: "...okay but they probably still know."
Me: "Cool story, we're doing this anyway."
And I did. And it went fine. And nobody accused me of being three children in a suit.
Actually, wait—
Here's What I Know Now
66% of workers are burned out, and I bet most of them also feel like frauds. We're all walking around thinking everyone else has it figured out while we're barely holding on.
But maybe—and stay with me here—we're all just doing our best with brains that evolved to spot tigers, not navigate performance reviews.
The Mind Hack Lab thing didn't cure my imposter syndrome. Nothing cures imposter syndrome. But it gave me tools that actually work when my brain decides I'm a fraud at 3 AM. Or 10 AM. Or during my promotion announcement.
And honestly? That's enough. Because I'm tired of letting my lying brain run the show.
Look, I'm not saying 30 minutes will fix your whole life. I'm saying 30 minutes gave me tools that work at 3 AM when nothing else does. And maybe that's worth trying.
This is skills training, not therapy. But honestly, these skills work better than a lot of things I tried.
P.S. - I wrote this at 1:47 AM because I couldn't sleep thinking about whether this article makes me sound competent enough. So. Yeah. The irony isn't lost on me.
